Wednesday, May 7, 2008


I awoke crying this morning. I am not crying for myself. I know eventually things will work out. I just feel so sorry for the little one. It really tried. It did the best it could. And now, if we can't see it by Friday it will not live anymore.

What could this child have grown to become? Perhaps a nobel prize winning physist - solving the worlds energy problems (my husband has been planning to start our children on math before they talk). Perhaps a great novelist or musican. Or most importantly, a kind and loving individual who wishes to help their fellow human beings.

I just feel so sad for it. I wish I could pick it up and move it to the right place. Give it a little push and make it all better. And I know it is not possible. I know the reality is that even if I didn't take a shot, the little one would not live. It would never survive in the wrong place. And it would take me with it. I just wish I could see it for a second, tell it that it was wanted, that it was loved.

My beta today was 857. That is more than doubled from Monday.
If it is up to 1500+ and we do not see it in my uterus on Friday then I will proceed with the shot.