Saturday, December 22, 2007

100 things

I have seen a bunch of bloggers do this. I actually started it a few months ago, but man it takes a long time to figure out 100 things you want to share about yourself.

Breakfast is my favorite meal.
Going to the AFC Championship game in Indy during January of 2007 was one of the most amazing experiences.
I have two cats and a ferret by marriage (see 21) - one cat named Mittens and one cat named Birdie.
I always wanted to dye my hair blue.
I am 7/8ths irish and 1/8th sicilian.
I am a big fan of the Indigo Girls.
I am a Pro Wii Bowler.
I am a singer.
I am addicted to Wikipedia.
I am Catholic.
I am in the process of becoming a Providence Associate.
I am NOT a fan of the New England Patriots.
I am obsessed with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer collectibles.
I am the youngest of nine children (all from the same two parents). I have four sisters and four brothers.
I did not want to grow up or start wearing bras or get my period - I wanted to stay a kid forever.
I enjoy doing brain-teasers.
I grew up in a log cabin in the forest.
I had Punky Brewster tennis shoes in fourth grade.
I had surgery for the first time in December 2007.
I hate dealing with insurance and cable companies.
I have a cat named Grace - she is addicted to feather toys.
I have a golden retriever named Starbuck.
I have a knack for remembering song lyrics.
I have a miniature Australian Shepherd named Gus.
I have always been a sandals girl. My toes need to be free.
I have an irrational fear that my car will get hit by a train, so I try to avoid any stops that are right at a train track.
I have been an Indianapolis Colts fan since I was a kid.
I have been friends with my best friend (outside of my DH) since we were five years old.
I have curly dark brown hair.
I have fifteen nieces and nephews and one more on the way.
I have found that the best friends in life cross age, gender and pretty much any boundary you can think of.
I have lost around 37 lbs in the past six months.
I have never needed glasses, but always wanted to wear them so I could accessorize.
I have PCOS.
I have spent hours contemplating what the island on Lost really is.
I heart coffee.
I heart McDonald's french fries.
I just bought my first real adult purse.
I like beer. A lot.
I like listening to Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio.
I like to eat the partially popped popcorn kernels the best (so does my husband - so we fight for them).
I love clouds.
I love giving christmas presents.
I love mexican food.
I love playing with data. Give me a problem in the database and I will get sucked into researching it for hours.
I love seafood.
I love snow - as long as I don't have to drive in it.
I love the new Battlestar Galactica.
I love to cook.
I love to hike and camp.
I love to make mix cds - with themes and a special cover and the whole she-bang.
I majored in Mathematics and Music in college.
I met Chuck Berry when I was six.
I miss ChiChi's restuarants, especially their seafood nachos and seafood enchiladas.
I once accidentally squirted ketchup all over the president of my company.
I play a little guitar and even less piano.
I played Dorothy in The Wiz when I was in college.
I played Lucy in a musical version of Narnia when I was nine.
I sang in a rock band with my sister L for a few years.
I sing first or second alto in choirs, but according to my vocal coach I am a soprano.
I still remember the thrill of the Hoosiers winning the NCAA championship in 1987 when I was ten. My brothers and I ran outside to our basketball court and pretended to be Keith Smart. (Yes, most houses in small-town Indiana have a basketball court to play on.)
I thought long and hard about becoming a nun - then I got married.
I totally and utterly love my husband.
I used to wear tye-dye shirts all the time.
I visited Europe twice in college.
I volunteered for a year through Americorps after I graduated college. While volunteering, I lived in a convent.
I want to make a quilt in my life.
I want to visit all of the human inhabited continents in my life.
I was a cheerleader from second grade to my senior year of high school.
I was a dancer when I was a kid - I took Tap, Jazz, Ballet, Tumbling, Clogging,Pom lessons for 13 years.
I was born in Indianapolis.
I was born on my brother M's 15th birthday.
I was extremely afraid of the dark until I was about 15. Sometimes I still get wigged out.
I was married in September of 2005.
I was so addicted to the Dark Tower Series that I bought two Concordances just to learn more about them.
I watched the entire series of Star Trek the Next Generation within three months.
I went to a woman's college in Indiana.
I went to all three years of the Lilith Fair.
I went to the beatification of the foundress of my college in Rome.
I wish I could eat potatoes without guilt.
I work in software.
In fourth grade I started an underground newspaper in my classroom.
My brother D went to Iraq at the beginning of the war. My sister L leaves on January 3rd.
My brother T and I were in the same grade from first grade on and we walked together in graduation (it was amazing we didn’t trip each other).
My dad had ten siblings and my mother had six. Our family is freaking humongous.
My dad is a retired truck driver and my mother is a homemaker. They are AWESOME at being parents. I only hope I can do as well as they did.
My dance group used to perform at the half-time of the Pacer games - when I was around six years old
My favorite Chipmunk is Alvin.
My favorite color is blue.
My favorite flower is the Gladiola.
My favorite holiday is Easter.
My favorite pizza is garlic, liced tomatoes, mushrooms and extra cheese.
My favorite type of sandwich is the Rueben.
My husband and I are playing each other for my family's fantasy football championship game.
My husband and I grew up fans of arch rival college teams.
My mom's sister married my dad's brother. It is totally legal - just strange to explain.
My mother's middle name is Nona, the latin word for Nine. She subsequently had nine children.
Our house burned to the ground when I was in kindergarten. I have no baby pictures of myself.
The only bone I have ever broken was my arm when I was three. I fell off of a slide.
Zelda Twilight Princess was the funnest video game I ever played.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Beautiful Ovaries and murmuring hearts

Pre post notes:
Thanks for all the well wishes and birthday messages! My tens digit has officially changed! I was out of town all last week for work and we drove safely back from Chicago on my birthday through the wonderful snow on my birthday. I finally recovered from the trip (oh and partying:)) on Tuesday and now I am home for the rest of the year.

OK - back to post:

I always find it funny when my RE compliments my organs...during the HSG I had very nice fallopian tubes...and today after my surgery (while still groggy from the drugs) she said I had beautiful ovaries. It makes me giggle...:) of course - ugly ovaries that function properly might be a bit more practical - but I will take what I can get.

The painting above is 'A Waltz of the betrayer' by Annie Lin. Her comment on the painting is: "I tend to transform my images to a more metaphorical, anxious, aggressive, and restraint image. The composition and meaning, "masculinity" and "femininity”, inner and outer, subjective and objective, are all interwoven. The whole painting is in the process of wrapping and opening; which is similar to a psychological stage of hesitation for desire, full of curiosity and self murmuring."

Although this set of paintings is geared toward the normal process from sexual pleasure, to the machine that exists inside our body for reproduction, it really speaks to me about the journey my DH and I are on.

Her final painting in the series (you can see them at is a metaphoric womb showing the relationship between mother and child - hormonally and emotionally. I hope one day I can relate to that painting as well.

'A Waltz of the betrayer' - has a slightly different meaning to me than her personally intention. With PCOS, the definition feminine or masculine becomes blurred. I don't see a lot of people blogging about the hormonal side effects, but I know we all experience them to some effect.

The random hairs that appear on my chin (or sometimes that slightly detectable 'stash) always make me feel self-conscious (sometimes to the point of obsession - can we say tweezer-girl??). The inability to ovulate and have normal periods or establish the right womb environment to carry a child can really make me question my femininity. For the most part I can reason those insecure thoughts out of my head, but month after month, or morning after morning takes some perseverance.

Today was my laparoscopy. I was very nervous, because I have never been put under general anesthesia. Heck! I have never even had an IV before. Everything went well, although I do have an abnormal heart beat which was concerning to my anesthesiologist. I remember back when I was around 16 and my family doctor first diagnosed me with PCOS. At that same time they did a bunch of tests on my heart because the heartbeat was so slow and irregular. 14 years later and it is still slow and irregular (although slow now is 49 - 50 beats per minute, where it used to be 42-45 beats per minute). It has always had this extra fluctuation or murmur, that can sometimes confuse a machine (like treadmills or monitors). All was well then, so I supposed it is good now.

Everything went fine today and I am now set to rest with some nice vicodin for the next few days. Once I finally got into the operating room they put an oxygen mask on my face. The air was blowing in my eye and she told me I could close my eyes. I don't remember anything after that until I woke up, while still in the OR. Sounds silly, but that was all I was worried about (the waking up part)- so I have been fine since then.

I have a better understanding of the process and reasoning behind doing this surgery (thank goodness!). My ovaries were rather large (but lovely - haha!). The process was done to aspirate my cysts. This means that over then next three to six months my ovaries won't be spewing out all those male hormones, and my body will get a chance to act like a normal non-PCOS person.

The procedure was not nearly as invasive as others you see when googling ovarian drilling. They used sound to make small incisions into all of the cysts on both ovaries. This causes them to dissipate into my system. Over time they will eventually build back up. Until then, as long as I do ovulate (which this will help to initiate too) my reproductive system will function in the normal feminine manner. Since I have been ovulating on my own (no clomid or anything like that) for a few months now, I have a really good feeling about this procedure. I do think it is a positive step to get us closer to our ultimate goal.

I also had a D&C to clean out my uterine lining. I think that is probably a good thing. This is all like one big fresh start.

So for now - my ovaries are "in the process of wrapping and opening" and my heart is "in the state of hesitation for desire, full of curiosity and self murmuring."

P.S. I know that I am not citing my sources according to MLA or APA styles, and I am not sure what the legal ramifications of posting a picture from another site are, but it spoke to me too much not to risk it. Any suggestions on how to do these things in the future (good how-to links on siting sources and posting pictures in blogs) are greatly appreciated.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Drilling it is....

AF came two days early this month. That is not a bad thing - maybe these cycles will actually shorten to 28 days.

So anyways, since she did come, I expect to go into surgery on December 20th. I am kind of nervous, because I have never had surgery of any kind before. I don't expect this to be that big of a deal, but I may turn into a super baby afterwards, you never know.

Speaking of AF, my husband's great Aunt, whom he is very close with, is named Florence. Every time I think of AF, I just have to giggle a bit.

I am headed off to Chicago for meetings and company outings the rest of the week and weekend. It should be fun and intersting. I have to make a quick trip to the American Girl doll store for my Mom to pick up some Christmas presents.

My birthday is on Sunday, so I will be looking forward to getting home to hang with my wonderful husband and parents (and whomever else shows up) to blow out the birthday candles. I turn the big 3-0. It is so crazy to think of thirty years. My best friend since kindergarten and I went to the Tori Amos concert to celebrate our big year.

Maybe when I turn 31 I will be a never know.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

No one said it would be easy

I had a thought on my way home this morning.

Most of the time, in my life, things have come easy to me. Things that other people might call really hard, like term papers and math tests - I can do those - no sweat. I can sing a song to thousands of people - no big deal.

All these things might be hard for a lot of people - and they do not really phase me that much. I don't mean that I don't have to work at stuff (especially the work stuff - time cures a lot of things), but I am just saying that it may not of been as hard for me as some people.

I guess what I mean is that I know in a lot of ways, I know I have led a very blessed life. Some things do come easier to me than they do to other people. Except for this one thing....

We have been trying for two years to have a child. I think I have tried harder to succeed at this than I did through my entire journey to a Mathematics degree. I have had to modify my entire lifestype (not with entire success) and still we are not getting the grade we hope for.

I am not used to that. I don't mean to say I am spoiled. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my hand, and my daddy is still a retired truck driver with nine children - but as far as having the ability to achieve or do something - I have never had to work this hard.

I kind of got an "A" a month ago or so...and then someone said I was cheating or something and I toatally failed. I am not used to failure. Every month that goes by without a pregnancy seems like a failure to me. And maybe I take it harder because I am not used to failure.

OK - I won't annoy you anymore with my 'Woe is my spoiled brat' whining - and I will continue to work as hard as I can - I just needed to vent.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Intoxicating, hot, complex and crazy - just like me!

Your Score: Juniper Berries

You scored 75% intoxication, 25% hotness, 75% complexity, and 75% craziness!

You are Juniper Berries! You're a drunk. No, really. Cool it with the hooch. Just kidding. You're really good at adding flavour to boring old life. You can be astringent at times, but once the harshness passes, you're quite relaxing. And you smell good, too.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Miracle Chair

I am thinking about heading off to Naples to have a seat in the miracle chair.


Actually, I find this post very interesting. I think I am starting a novena tonight. I know our family and friends have said many prayers for the expansion of our family. And, of course, we have prayed ourselves. Still, I like the idea of structured specific prayers that helps us focus on our goals and gives us hope and peace of mind through meditation.

Don't get the wrong idea though - I am not uber-catholic or anything. I have a lot of things I should work on (especially from a spiritual perspsective), and consistency is one of them (like you can tell with the Blog, eh?).