Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Down and Out in Beth's Ut

Well Beta #3 is at 51. So the number is dropping.
It is ok.
I have to go in for another beta on friday. I expect it to drop again. I am supposed to stop my progesterone and I suppose just wait AF to start. We will see.
I really am ok with this. I am glad that it is most likely not ectopic.

I just want to find out why I can get pregnant, but can't stay pregnant. I hope my RE will have some suggestions for other tactics.

I am afraid these experiences might make me forever question any pregnancy tests. Even two lines will never really mean that I will have a baby, it just means that I might, by chance, have a baby some day.

I did take today off. I have a cold, so I just called in sick.

After Friday, things seem to have gone down hill a little for my family. My SIL went in for her first U/S and they couldn't find the sac. She had a D & C today. Another person close to me lost their job.

At this point, I am just glad that both my hubby and I are gainfully employed and enjoy each other's company.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Making sense of it

I am in a much better frame of mind today.
I know I will not know much until tomorrow afternoon.
The best case is that the number goes way up and all looks fine.
If that does not happen, I hope that the number goes down. I would really rather not have to worry about an ectopic pregnancy.

I have been having that constant small ache in the right side since last week. I have read that this could be a sign of ligament stretching. Otherwise, it could be a sign that it is ectopic, but all that I read about ectopic pain is that it occurs during the rupture, and that won't happen for another few weeks.

I am not sure that I mentioned this before, but if so, I will be repetitive. Last year during my HSG all was well, the tubes were completely open. Then I had the surgery in December and she told me that she couldn't get one of my tubes to clear. She said it was no big deal. Perhaps that is because the surgery was not like the HSG and that it wasn't a good measure. I am not the expert, so I can't add much to it. Since then, I have been worried that one of my tubes has closed.

I am ok with all of this though.
We did have a positive outcome. And we can get it again.
Tomorrow will be a tough day. I am considering taking the day off.

Monday, April 28, 2008

not quite what we were hoping for

beta 2 - 57
Progesterone was well over the 25 that the RE likes to see.
I am supposed to go in and get a beta on wednesday.
They said to remain cautiously optimistic. I know what that means....

Of course, maybe I am just a slow starter and Wednesday it will be sky high.

I am worried it is ectopic.
I am trying really hard to not have a pity party right now. I still feel so defective.

Starving, tired and waiting

I went in for my second beta this morning.
I should know something by three. If I do not, I will call nice nurse #2 at the RE and have her call the location where I had the blood drawn.

I am exahausted, unable to concentrate at work, and extremely hungry.

The weekend went by without incident. I had cramps and such throughout and no spotting.

I am still really worried. I am trying not to out too much emphasis on this, so that if it turns out to be another chemical pregnancy I can move on quickly to the next steps. I have a meeting from 1pm - 3pm, so if I can just make it to then I should be fine.
Right now I am snacking on some cheese, carrs crackers and turkey. I am considering opening up my turkey wrap and digging in. It isn't noon yet, but what the hey!

I have been doing HPTs all weekend and the line is still there. It doesn't seem to be any darker, but not really that much fainter either. I know this is a qualitative test and the darkness doesn't really matter, but it still worries me.
Could it be that I am just so early in my cycle that the tests are not going to get darker for a few weeks?
I hope so, or something like that at least.

Friday, April 25, 2008


Well, it is a higher number than I have ever seen before.
Now I am just waiting to see if it doubles.
I have pain on one side and I am worrying about ectopic pregnancies. I guess I should just chill.
I am having a hard time concentrating on my work. I really wish that I could go home right now, but I am not sure what I would do there anyways.
Perhaps I could go buy a new toaster and an air mattress for camping.

Or perhaps the pain is just hormones being secreted out of my ovary.... or maybe it is 'Round ligament pain refers to a type of pelvic pain caused by stretching of the round ligaments. This occurs more commonly on the right side of the pelvis.'

So i go back in on Monday for a second test.

This is a really good day.
I got a substantial raise at work (i mean it was beyond my expectations) AND i got a positive beta.
Let the good times roll....

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Beta Eve

Last weekend we had a wonderful time. The cubbies won in a landslide, had pizza at Gioradonos, got our desks at IKEA, and I got to meet my husband's friend and his wife.

I think the last part was the best, I really enjoyed meeting them. They were interesting and probably the first couple that we have spent time with that is somewhat similar to our lifestyle. They have officially filled out their paperwork for adoption in South Korea. I wish them the best. I know they will be amazing parents.

I was so bushed by the end of the day I ended up curling up on Nadie's (that is my nickname for my husband) shoulder and falling asleep as we watched the end of one of the Harry Potter movies on TV.

This week and last my moods have been a roller coaster ride. I angry about the littlest of things. I have to keep reminding myself that it is probably just the progesterone, but it is so hard. It has been hard to sit through meetings at work without exploding. Most of it has been anger, and a few times I have been on the verge of crying.

I just don't know what I will be like when I am actually pregnant. I hope I don't drive everyone crazy - and I definitely don't want people to think that i would ever intentionally be rude or obnoxious and use pregnancy as an excuse. I guess I will just take one day at a time and worry about that (or not worry!) later.

Tomorrow I have my first beta scheduled. Earlier this week I felt like it was all a bust, because I really wasn't feeling anything in the girl parts area. Only yesterday did I start feeling cramping in the afternoon. Then it stopped again until this afternoon.

I have noticed no implantation bleeding. I am not bleeding at all - which is good - but my cycles are usually so long that I would never expect to start until late next week. I am not sure how all these hormones would affect my cycle length. If I was normal (28 days) then I would still have 4 days to wait.

I decided to take a HPT, just to see if it would show anything. I have taken three since yesterday morning. Each of them have a very faint positive line.
I do have a dilemma though. Today is 14 days post trigger. Who knows if the HCG is still in my system? Everything I read says that due to it's half-life, with my dosage, it could remain in my system 10-14 days. I did POS a few times last week just to see if it still showed up in my system. The first time it was very faint, the second time a few days later I am fairly sure it was negative. If that is right, then this would be a new source of HCG?
I am not going to worry too much over it. I will see what the beta says tomorrow.

Does anyone know if the faintness/darkness of lines on a HPT correspond directly to the amount of HCG in your system? I have both ways. Also, is 14 days post trigger so early that the HCG amount is going to be small even if I am pregnant?

And with all of this, I had a wisdom tooth pulled this morning, and man this gauze is making me nauseous.
I hope everyone is doing great. I have been reading all my buddies posts, and sending positive thoughts out to everyone. I just don't comment that much anymore, because I am try not to get too obsessed.

Well, I better get off to my last class on PCOS.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Its all about the O.

I am sure I ovulated yesterday. I was crampy and felt bloated and pressure in the Nether regions all day long. Oh and it was 72 hours after the trigger shot too. So duh, of course I ovulated.
It makes me wonder if I have actually been ovulating these past few months, because it was a different type of feeling than I have been experiencing.
Every month since at least November I have felt aches throughout the 2ww every month. They always make me hopeful becuase I have never felt so much consistent action going on in my girl parts.
I am sure it is because my body is functioning better since lifestyle changes and medical assistance. Still, it can be confusing, because I am always wondering - is this it?

I am starting my 2ww today. Tonight I begin progesterone suppositories.

Last night DH was asking (after our marathon BD weekend) 'So what is next? Do we have to BD every other day for the next week?' I think he was a little nervous about keeping up this rate....
I assuaged his fears.

BD every other day from CD10 - CD20 can get old really quickly.

That is why we both are very excited about this cycle. It is the first time we are not in the dark. We have a specific set of dates and know when the right day is this month. In the past my cycle has ranged from 28 to 32 days. It means we never knew which would be the best day to ovulate. OPKs can work, of course, but I am not good at being consistent at peeing on a stick to watch it become darker. (plus it only reminds me of BFNs)

Anyways - here we go! Next weekend DH and I are traveling to Chicago to go to a Cubs game, that should give us something to keep our minds off of it. Oh and I get to go to IKEA. :) :)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

One for each Ovary

I went through the femara and the first three injections without incident.
The trip to NYC was pretty quick, but I was just thankful that I hadn't booked on American since they cancelled so many flights.
I went for my ultrasound today.
My lining was 10. I guess that is good, the minimum they want to see at my clinic (and I am sure most others) is 8 by CD10.
I have two good follicles. One for each ovary. The one on the left is at 16mm and the one on the right is at 14mm. The nurse said they want to see at least 18mm, so I am to do one more shot of Follistim tonight and move on to the trigger tomorrow.
I definitely breathed a sigh of relief when I found it was just two. I had begun to worry that due to the PCOS I would hyper stimulate...phew.

They said I didn't need to go back in, which is nice, because it would have been a pain to re-arrange my schedule.
Surprisingly, my local pharmacy was able to fill my Novarel on the spot. I was concerned because they had to order the Follistim.
And, low and behold, my insurance covered the Novarel and it was under 10 bucks. I was pleasantly surprised.
So tomorrow the DH gets to try his hand at intramuscular injections. He is so concerned about hurting is sweet...but I tell him - no pain no gain.
After that we are scheduled for a weekend of baby dancing.
On Monday I am supposed to start my progesterone suppositories and I am to get a PG test on the 25th if I have not started my period.
Well, off to stimulate those follicles.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Our first Induction Cycle

I know it has been a really long time since I posted. I have been reading everyone's blogs, but I just didn't feel like there was much news. Also, I have been wrapping up a huge work project (6 months!! AAAHHH!) so it seems like I can come out of hibernation.

This month we start our first month using drugs to stimulate ovulation. I guess what we are doing is exactly like an IUI - minus the IUI. Here is my protocol (or what I can remember from the phone):
2 pills 2.5 of Femara (Letrozole) for cycle days 2 - 6 days
Ultrasound on cyle day 4 to check progress
Follistim on cycle days 7 -9
Ultrasound and bloodwork on cycle day 10
Check to see if ready for trigger
At some point the nurses willl call and tell us to procreate.

I am really excited.
Of course, AF came four days early (which is not a bad thing on the whole becuase it meant my last cycle was shorter) but it really did mess up my plans. I was supposed to fly to NYC for work on April 9th, spend the evening there buttering up some clients and then fly home the morning of the 10th. Since I started on April 1st (my ovaries are playing a joke on me, right?) my cycle days go with the calendar, which mean I would have to be back early in the morning on the tenth for the ultrasound, bloodwork, and hopefully a trigger shot.

I talked to my boss about it, but the people I am going with I just told them I had a doctors appt I couldn't miss. I found a flight that left at a reasonable time on the ninth to get me home. I still have to go. It is our biggest client, and they want to talk to us about the future of our software...blah blah blah....all good things, just bad timing. It did cost money to the company for me to switch flights, but I figure I have given a lot of my time and effort and life so far for this product - and sometimes I need a bit more in return than a regular paycheck.

I have never done this before, so I was wondering if the follistim has to be done at the same time every night? I can imagine having to go into the bathroom of an airplane to shoot myself in the butt.

In other news, I started taking a class with my Dr's office for women with PCOS. It is pretty cool. One night a week for six weeks. The first hour is educational, the second is a PCOS support group with a therapist.

Oh - and follistim is pretty expensive. Any ideas on the typical cost of a trigger shot? Just wondering what I should expect next week. The Femara was covered in a second tier in my insurance, and I think the follistim is 3rd tier. The dr ordered 2 vials and I think my insurance covers 50 bucks a vial. I don't know if i will even need both of them. So - 125 bucks is not too bad, but I am not sure what the trigger will be. At least the ultrasounds and all that stuff will be covered.

I just hope we don't have to do it over and over again. 125 bucks could get expensive if it is several months in a row.
I am very hopeful right now. I just want to see how it goes. I will not be too let down if it doesn't work the first time, but I am excited...we have been working for so long on natural methods - diet/exercise/metformin and then I had the surgery, but this feels like the first real fertility treatment we have had.

Wish me luck!