Sunday, December 28, 2008

Single Digits

This is just a quick post to note how freaking crazy it is to look at that baby ticker and see it in the single digits.
I said to DH that I will miss her being inside me. She is my pal...we hang together...he said well she will be even more of my pal....and I said oh yes, but she will be much more noisy and perhaps won't like the same music as me!

Christmas was wonderful.

We probably have to get a new car for DH this week.

I may get one too.

He is probably going to get a new civic - and I am looking at the matrix (although I still love my car - a pontiac vibe and the only real benefit would be newness and a we will see - i mean childcare and diapers are coming too - so perhaps i should wait...oh the tantilization! and there are such good financing options out there right now...)
alas - we will see what will happens...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

38 Weeks and Christmas Eve

I am so creative with the titles, eh?

It is crazy to look at that baby floating around on the blog and see that it says 13 days until the due date.

It is also fricking fantastic. I am so content that she is hanging out in my gut long enough to ensure that her teeny lungs are prepared to deal with the world! All that worry about pre-term labor! Ha! I should have worried about more important things - like whether I would win my Fantasy football league (I am totally kidding...oh but I DID beat DH this week in the championship game of my family fantasy football league! WOO HOO!)

No sign of the girlet. I mean I have vague nausea and some slowing down of the whole digestive system, but no contractions - not even a lot of braxton hicks. I don't think she will be here until next year. My OB said he would NOT induce until after the first of the year. No worries. She will come when she is ready - or he will force the issue when he thinks he should. I, on the other hand, have no say in this! (Sort of sucky - huh? I mean it is my body! LOL)

I haven't sent my sugar levels to the endocrinologist since last week because - um I am not at work and I don't have easy access to the fax machine. I wish they would give me an email address. What are they gonna do? Come here and beat me up? It is christmas for bejeasus sake and I am 38 weeks pregnant! My sugar levels are fine and it really all seems like a bunch of over-concern.

I am not really that uncomfortable. My next OB appt is friday. I have to see a different doc because of course scheduling a week in advance on a holiday week gives you a very low percentage of getting an appt with your actual doctor. It isn't a big deal. Actually, I thought we were supposed to have visits with other doctors in the practice anyways in case they were the ones on call when you were ready to deliver - so it is probably a good thing. It will give me a chance to meet at least one more and shake hands before that doc ends up with their head peering at my hooha and making major decisions in the birth of our child.

Current worries and prayer wishes:
1. That I am near the hospital and don't get stuck in some bad weather when I go into labor.
2. That girlet is too big to fit through my hooha and I have to have an emergency c-section. I almost wish she had measured larger so there would be no question.
3. Complications in birth - oh it is so scary! We should have more control over this!

Christmas Eve is and has always been probably the biggest deal in my family since before I was born. We ALWAYS have a big party at my childhood home (my brother and his family live there now). It is a log cabin in the woods (hence the being a way from the hospital and going in to labor fear). It is probably one of my favorite days of the year. I am excited - even if I can't drink it up with my cousins this year - I am so happy to get together with everyone and have a great time! One of the highlights of the night is all of the kids and women dancing and singing 'Must Be Santa!'- a song from the Sing Along with Mitch Christmas album....

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Full Term for my Birthday

Today I turn 31! I also am 37 weeks pregnant! Full term! Yay!

I can't think of a better gift!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Psycho Kity

My cats are crazy today.
One is racing through the house. Another thought it would be alright to climb up in the christmas tree.

Here is what I say:

I had to take this off - it was driving me nuts playing automatically when the blog loaded....

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Woodsies and Onesies

Yesterday I went to the annual Woodsie Christmas party. A woodsie is the nickname of a woman who attends my undergrad college - Saint Mary of the Woods College.

This is not a formal college event, but a small gathering of some of the wonderful ladies I went to school with. I was in choir with all of them, and although I was a few years older than most of them, they have welcomed me into their gatherings. It is a delight.

Here is a quick pic of the group....we were so color coordinated with reds/blues and bookend blacks :) ...

And today I did a small craft project.

I made four onesies for little Z. I have been looking at different funny onesies on cafepress and various other sites. I decided rather than paying 20 bucks for them I could just buy a pack of onesies and some iron on transfers and make my own!

Here is all four of them...proof they are onesies....

And here they are individually...
Righteous Baby - my hommage to Ani Difranco's record company....little Z will be one tough chick....

A little Pink Floyd for the DH (it is his favorite band)...

A reference to DH and I being from opposite sides of the state (at least when it comes to college athletics)....

And a math geek's way of showing love....(both DH and I are pretty geeky - especially when it comes to math...I majored in it and he still does problems for 'fun')...

I did one more, only to realize after I had ironed it on that I had deleted a letter prior to printing the iron on...You don't spell grandchild without an L. It was definitely a challenge...I had to figure out how to reverse all of the lettering and pictures prior to printing. I know the typo wasn't in the original document, so I must have deleted it when I had to transfer it to powerpoint to get it to print properly. Ugh. Now do I keep a onesie with a typo? I mean I am going to make other one for public consumption, and maybe some more since I have quite a bit of the iron on stuff left over. I coud just use it as an undershirt i guess... It is funny really.


Friday, December 12, 2008


I wrote the green portion in August. This post has been stirring for a while. I feel like it is time to click 'Publish' and let go.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how the baby will affect my life. I am not so silly to think that I will be able to jump back into everything I did before and move on. I am excited at adding this new role to my life. And I do dream all day long about those wonderful times when I get to be the mother of a person.

But, I have spent so much time not being a mother. I sometimes think it was easier for my Mom because she got married when she was 19 and began having babies. Of course I don't think having nine babies was easy for her, but at least for forming her sense of self. I have spent so much time trying to go through a path that helps me to prepare for this...going to college, getting a job and starting my career....waiting to begin a serious relationship until I knew I was ready...knowing when I was ready and being lucky enough to find that relationship in a relatively short manner of time.

I have worked my entire career at one company. I have paid my dues along the way with time, energy and persistence. I waited through the times it sucked and always remained flexible enough to be in the position to move up to the next rung on the ladder.

When I went to college, I really had no idea what I was going to do. I studied Math and Music. I didn't really have a job or even a type of job lined up when I graduated. I spent a year volunteering through Americorps and the began the search for something. This was the first company that I started at after that. I do feel blessed. I do know that I trusted in Providence enough to take me to where I was supposed to be.

And when I got to this company, I started realizing how different it was for women in the corporate world. I know things have gotten much better, but I see first hand how differently things are done based on gender. I figured out that I would probably have to work three times as hard to get ahead, so that is what I did.

And now...I still feel like the above. It is the path I have walked. I worked my arse off to get where I am and I can't ever worry that this next step is something in contradiction to those efforts. There are days when I fear that I will be seen differently - perhaps not as respected- when I come back to work, but I am sure that is just me making the worst of a situation. I don't want special treatment, but I also know the law is pretty clear and I also know that my work is not like that - my boss is great- the whole place is like a family - and they want what is best for me, as long as I doing what I am paid to do.

I am curious and excited to see where it will lead. I have to go back to work (it isn't an option right now financially, I am an equal breadwinner in this household) after 6 weeks of maternity leave. I know it will be tough. I am already torn. Part of my identity is what I do. If that just stopped when I became a mother, then I would be even more scared of the transition. But there is new part of my identity that will soon emerge. And it is wonderful and meaningful.

And I know I will want to be the one with her at all times. My work is flexible. I will work from home with Z two days out of the work week. She will either be at a day care facility or the home of a friend for three days out of the week. My boss is flexible enough that if I felt I needed to modify that when I return, he would work with me on it, perhaps going part-time or only going into the office half days for a period of time.

I can see us getting to a different point in a few years financially where I could always work part time or even stay home if that is what we wanted to do. Perhaps if we have a second child it would be best. I have toyed with the idea of home-schooling Z when the time comes. We really want to make sure she is prepared in Math and Science and want to take part in her education.

But - that is the future, and right now I am on the fork in the road - the watershed - and i am not going to agonize - I am just excited to see where we go....

Thought I knew my mind
Like the back of my hand
The gold and the rainbow
But nothing panned out as I planned
And they say only milk and honeys
Gonna make your soul satisfied
Well I better learn how to swim
Cause the crossing is chilly and wide

Twisted guardrails on the highway
Broken glass on the cement
A ghost of someones tragedy
How recklessly my time has been spent
They say that its never too late
But you dont, you dont get any younger
Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness
And feed the hunger

Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agonys your heaviest load
Youll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When youre learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

And theres always retrospect
(when youre looking back)
To light a clearer path
Every five years or so I look back on my life
And I have a good laugh
You start at the top
Go full circle round
Catch a breeze
Take a spill
But ending up where I started again
Makes me wanna stand still

Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agonys your heaviest load
Youll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When youre learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

Stepping on a crack
Breaking up and looking back
Til every tree limb overhead just seems to sit and wait
Til every step you take becomes a twist of fate

Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agonys your heaviest load
Youll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When youre learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agonys your heaviest load
Youll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When youre learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

And when youre learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

Gonna have to wait a bit :)

I had my 36 week appt today along with the measurement u/s...and the results are in.

She is weighing in at 6lbs 9ozs. Right on schedule. Her belly is a little fat, and her legs are short. The fluid levels are ok and all is well.

Looks like I won't be needing to schedule a C-Section. I am glad about that.

Oh and I had that swab strep test. No biggie. (Still -yuck)

And I am about 25% effaced. No dialation. Some thinning of the lining.

I didn't gain any weight. I guess that is normal for this time period.

I go to weekly appts now.

Now is when the patience comes. It reminds me again of this...

This may sound silly - because who really thinks I have control over how this happens....but I was at a point where I really wanted to force the issue...I wanted to be induced at the earliest sign that my Doctor was ok with it. I figured the insurance issues and all that would be a nightmare.

Then I reached a point of calmness. And after today's appointment I feel better about it all. I will not induce unless necessary (you can ask me again at 40 weeks - I may have a different point of view and I am ok with that). I want to wait until Z is ready. She will be here soon. And, then we are on to a different world.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


My mom is coming home tonight.

It took them a few days to get her CO2 levels down and her Oxygen levels to where they needed them to do a stress test.

They did the Non-Stress Stress test today and gave her the all clear on her heart.

She has/had pneumonia and it has been causing so much stress on her lungs/heart that it really weakened her.
She is feeling much better. Looking better too.

Thanks for all the prayers!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

36 Week Belly Pic

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

My Mom

Here is a part of the shower story that I didn't tell because...I don't know...maybe I was in denial or something.
At my shower my mother was feeling awful. I sort of didn't know what to do because I know if it wasn't my shower she wouldn't have been away from home.

My mom has been on oxygen for about a year now. She had a really bad time in the hospital last year with pneumonia and COPD. She has good days and bad. Her oxygen tank on Saturday was really low and we ended up having to call the company that delivers them. Luckily they were able to make it before the people started to arrive, but it was scary and she was worried we would have to call 911.

It was obvious she was not feeling well. I did't know what to do. Having a house full of people doesn't bode well for taking care of a sick momma.

I am very close with my mom. I am her baby girl (actually youngest of all) and we have done some wonderful things throughout my life. She is my biggest fan and I have always been amazed at her strength and warmth. She birthed nine children (with five miscarriages in between) and built a home that was an awesome environment for a child to grow up in.
Here is a pic of me and my Mom from back in my college days...

So yesterday when I stopped by for lunch she wasn't feeling up to walking into the kitchen to chat. I helped her pick out some clothes and brush her hair so she could go to the doctor when my dad got back from an errand.

Last night my dad called and said that they ended up putting her in the hospital. They say it is congestive heart failure and that she probably had a heart attack. I will know more later. I am going to visit her at lunch.

Right now I just hope they are making her comfortable and figuring out what the best thing to do to make her feel better is. I hate it when she feels so bad. I feel so out of control. I can't think of all of the possibilities. There is no life without my mom. And, little Z has to know her Nana well and have lots of wonderful years of playing with Nana's dolls and having Nana come to her dance recital or soccer game or whatever she chooses to take part in.

All prayers are welcome...

Monday, December 8, 2008

December Showers bring Poinsettias?

OK I know the title isn't that witty....

Saturday was my family and friends baby shower. As I posted on Saturday before everyone came, it was at my house and it was snowing!

A few people couldn't make it because of the weather, but there were just enough people there so that no one had to sit on the floor and everyone could fit around the living room for games!

It was a little stressful having it at my house, and I think had I to do over again I wouldn't have chosen that, but it was a great time!

The cake was VERY yummy. DH just threw the last few pieces out yesterday because it is too much of a temptation with Gestational Diabetes! It was simple enough - white cake/butter cream icing from Meijer (had a stork on it), but darn that was good!

The games were actually pretty fun. My sister Lisa (the one that came back from Iraq) is always good for keeping people laughing! If she wasn't here something would have been missing! LOL

The gifts were bright and fun!

Some notable items of the day...the hooter hider! I especially tried to make sure my mom saw this, because she and I had this long discussion about whether breastfeeding in public was acceptable. My mom is a prude. She doesn't even kiss my dad with an open mouth, and they have been married for almost 47 years! And while I don't think breastfeeding is anything to be prudish about, I think it is funny that she has all of these notions about it. She had nine kids and didn't breastfeed a single one. She also tells me she has been watching baby delivery tv shows, but she won't watch the actual birth because she thinks it is completely inappropriate to show that sort of private thing on tv. It's a different world than where she came from...she claims it was better when everything was private and somewhat shameful (not her words). I am on the fence...I would definitely prefer not having Viagra commercials on TV.

Anyways...the hooter hider (and my big belly) from my woodsie lil sis Erika (pictures also courtesy of Erika - thanks chica!)....

The diaper bag from my brother and SIL - she let me pick out the pattern from Vera Bradley and I LOVE IT! It has little owls on it....

And the last thing to show (Although, there were many wonderful things and if you are reading this and you were here or sent something THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming and for your wonderful gifts for Z!!!!) is the dollhouse bookcase...I put it together yesterday and got pastel blue, pastel green and white bins to put in it for storage...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Pre-Shower Musings

Today is my family and friends baby shower.

It started snowing around 7am and I am hoping that all who can make it arrive safely.

The house is pretty much ready. I didn't get everything on my list of 45 things done, but it is presentable. I just hope people don't go snooping through our messy master bath and all my clothes that need organizing in my closet! :)

I still need to organize little Z's room a bit so people can check it out.

We moved the dogs crate and the ferret into our room for the day.

I am on the verge of a head cold. I felt it coming yesterday. Now I am all snotty and my head is a bit full. All the dusting and sweeping and de-hairing of carpets and upholstery didn't help. Having three cats, two double-coated dogs and a ferret makes for a tremendous amount of hair. Perhaps we should have put a warning for any allergic people to take their meds before they enter, because there is no way we would ever be able to get it all up.

My mom, sister and BFF are coming early to help decorate and set up the cake and stuff.

I have to give myself insulin injections after dinner because my sugars are not lowering after that meal as they do on others. I am sure I probably eat more then too, and I could limit my carb intake through that, but I am usually more hungry then so we decided to go with the injections. It seems to be going ok.

My latest fear is that my water will break and I won't know. It is hard for me to tell - because I don't know what is normal stuff and what is not normal. So now I am just waiting for something that seems completely out of the ordinary until my next OB appointment on Friday. It is my 36 week appt and I will have an ultrasound and a cervical check. My fear is that what if what I think is normal is not and then I get an infection or something. I just don't want to be one of those hypochondriac preggers that think something is wrong when it isn't. I know it is better to err on the side of caution, but then how do I know I am not over thinking it in the first place.

I had my breastfeeding class this past Wednesday. I think I can do it. I know I need to build up more confidence before she comes so that I am 110 percent ready for it. I hope my PCOS doesn't get in the way, and I hope going back to work doesn't become too great of a challenge. I think the benefits outweigh the obstacles, but I am a little concerned that it will be too much for me.

This next Wednesday we have our last of all the classes.
And then the week after that we will be full term.

I walk around knowing I am on the verge of a watershed moment in my life. Once the labor begins I will not be the same person. My life will never be the same.

How extraordinary.

"And how!" as Dorothy Gale would say....