Hello all, as promised I am putting this blog on hiatus until we choose to concieve another child....Don't fret! I have moved!
Follow along with my sometimes wacky, sometimes normal life (oh and keep up with how our beautiful little Zerker grows - because I know that is why most people read! lol)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
To create ourselves anew
I am amazed at how much she has grown. She is cooing. Not laughing yet, but she is close and it is so cute...
Our first week back to work went well. One night I even had DH pick her up and I hung out with a few friends for a little bit. I decided I won't do that too often, because once I left I just wanted to be home, and the drive home took too long. :)
Today has been wonderful. We woke up with the Zerker, then we have just been hanging out all day. No rush, no stress, just wonders. I hope we win the powerball so we can do this every day for the rest our lives. LOL!
Oh and she is rising from the ashes too...
(As you can see she wasn't really in the mood for pictures when we got back from church on Ash Wednesday...)
My blog is moving! I mentioned that I will be moving to a new blog once the Zerker is here. I think it is time. I will be working on the layout and officially transitioning very soon...Keep an eye out if you want to follow along. :)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Distraction
I went back to work yesterday. I have a LOOONG post half way written. I will have it up before long.
In the meantime, this is hilarious....
more animals
In the meantime, this is hilarious....
more animals
Sunday, February 22, 2009
hi ho hi ho
I went back to work on Monday.
The Zerker is being cared for three days a week by a friend (T).
I will work from home the other two days. I am sure that will take some figuring out, but I do feel blessed to be able to do it, for a while at least.
During her first week I went to visit a day care and see if we were interested in taking her there. We decided home care was best, plus T is a super mommy and I know she will treat Zerker like her own.
That first week I came home sobbing thinking of someone else watching my baby. And, while I love her so much I want her around every minute, I also know that we can't do that right now. So going back at 6 weeks is not the worst thing in the world.
I have been going a little crazy the past few weeks, and I think going back to work will help distract me from that. I think if I had planned on staying home fulltime for a longer period of time I would have been able to get involved in more things (especially after the six week mark) like mommy - baby gym stuff or volunteering or all of the other cool stuff that mommies and babies do, but since I knew I had to go back to work I couldn't get involved in all that stuff. So these weeks have been fabulous for the Zerker and I getting to know each other, but I have sort of lost my normal get up and go type of personality and I need to get off of the couch.
Having such a short amount of time at home has made it seem like this week was when our real day to day life begins. This is the life we have been waiting for.
And I sort of feel like I am setting an example for the Zerker (although I know she is too young) to show that you can find some balance, bring home the bacon and fry it too or something like that. Please note that I am not dissing SAHMs at ALL. Becoming a mother to the zerker and staying home these weeks has only increased by admiration for SAHMs of the world.
If I waited longer then it would probably be harder on both of us, especially the Zerker. Going now gives her a chance to get used to T and not having me there 24-7from an early age.
I figured I would be a mess all day on monday (the longest I had ever been away from her was about an hour), but really, I wasn't. My boss is super cool and wants to ease me back into my work (actually he wants me to transition to something else which is freaking awesome) so I am not overly stressed this week and next at work. For the first time in a long time when I was going home I was excited (sort of like waiting to check and see what Santa brought you or what was in your easter basket or whether you got the part in the play or made the dance team)...driving home I didn't drive too fast, but I wanted too...I wanted to race to Ts and give the Zerker a big hug.
ANd when I got home monday night I just kept her with me nursing for hours until I started to fall asleep. I didn't want to even let DH nuzzle her. I will get over that! I didn't realize how tired I was until DH was tired too and it was too late...so I do have to pace myself.
Today I work from home. Since I am pacing getting back into things there isn't a whole lot to do, so I was able to take a nap with Z (really needed it) and give her a bath (she hates it - i had to nurse her a bit just to calm her down after that...). I have a playmat here in the office along with her carrier and a bouncer. Right now though she is in my er.go.baby.carrier.... (Did I tell you friends that I got one???I love it!)She was nursing while I was working at first, but I didn't like how her head was and she was falling asleep anyways so she is just snuggled up to my belly/chest while I type/work away.
She is starting to wake up...so more to come!
The Zerker is being cared for three days a week by a friend (T).
I will work from home the other two days. I am sure that will take some figuring out, but I do feel blessed to be able to do it, for a while at least.
During her first week I went to visit a day care and see if we were interested in taking her there. We decided home care was best, plus T is a super mommy and I know she will treat Zerker like her own.
That first week I came home sobbing thinking of someone else watching my baby. And, while I love her so much I want her around every minute, I also know that we can't do that right now. So going back at 6 weeks is not the worst thing in the world.
I have been going a little crazy the past few weeks, and I think going back to work will help distract me from that. I think if I had planned on staying home fulltime for a longer period of time I would have been able to get involved in more things (especially after the six week mark) like mommy - baby gym stuff or volunteering or all of the other cool stuff that mommies and babies do, but since I knew I had to go back to work I couldn't get involved in all that stuff. So these weeks have been fabulous for the Zerker and I getting to know each other, but I have sort of lost my normal get up and go type of personality and I need to get off of the couch.
Having such a short amount of time at home has made it seem like this week was when our real day to day life begins. This is the life we have been waiting for.
And I sort of feel like I am setting an example for the Zerker (although I know she is too young) to show that you can find some balance, bring home the bacon and fry it too or something like that. Please note that I am not dissing SAHMs at ALL. Becoming a mother to the zerker and staying home these weeks has only increased by admiration for SAHMs of the world.
If I waited longer then it would probably be harder on both of us, especially the Zerker. Going now gives her a chance to get used to T and not having me there 24-7from an early age.
I figured I would be a mess all day on monday (the longest I had ever been away from her was about an hour), but really, I wasn't. My boss is super cool and wants to ease me back into my work (actually he wants me to transition to something else which is freaking awesome) so I am not overly stressed this week and next at work. For the first time in a long time when I was going home I was excited (sort of like waiting to check and see what Santa brought you or what was in your easter basket or whether you got the part in the play or made the dance team)...driving home I didn't drive too fast, but I wanted too...I wanted to race to Ts and give the Zerker a big hug.
ANd when I got home monday night I just kept her with me nursing for hours until I started to fall asleep. I didn't want to even let DH nuzzle her. I will get over that! I didn't realize how tired I was until DH was tired too and it was too late...so I do have to pace myself.
Today I work from home. Since I am pacing getting back into things there isn't a whole lot to do, so I was able to take a nap with Z (really needed it) and give her a bath (she hates it - i had to nurse her a bit just to calm her down after that...). I have a playmat here in the office along with her carrier and a bouncer. Right now though she is in my er.go.baby.carrier.... (Did I tell you friends that I got one???I love it!)She was nursing while I was working at first, but I didn't like how her head was and she was falling asleep anyways so she is just snuggled up to my belly/chest while I type/work away.
She is starting to wake up...so more to come!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
One month
I have been writing this post since Monday....one would think that being at home all the time I have plenty of time to blog. I don't really feel like I have much time. When I do get a break I feel like I should be doing other things like eating or showering.
Over a month has passed since the Zerker entered our lives.
I am sort of getting used to being a mommy, but it is also sinking in...Oh my! I am a Mom! I get scared that I am doing something wrong or that something will happen to her. It is a lot of responsibility.
I hate that it is RSV season. I am constantly in fear that the normal baby boogers and weird way infants breathe are signs of a cold. I worry that I am not taking her temp correctly. Worry worry worry....I figured I would be worried about her forever, and I was right.
Before she falls into a deep sleep she sometimes does this weird whimper while sleeping. It reminds me of when my dog has dreams in his sleep. Is that normal? (The baby whimper, not the dog dreams...) I worry that she has apnea or something. She is probably fine. I just sit around her while she sleeps and make sure she is breathing 20 times a night.
I started to say 'We' turned a new corner, but to be honest the Zerker turned the corner on her own. On Saturday she went to sleep at 8:30. At 12:30am I woke her up, fed and changed her, and put her back to sleep. She did it with no problem. She slept well until 4:00am and then I fed her, changed her and put her back to sleep. (She is sleeping in her carrier, but on her own!) she wasn't asleep but she put herself to sleep without a big fuss. Since then every night she has slept a little longer so that now she is just waking up once in the night at about 3am. And when she does wake up, I feed her and change her and then she goes right back to sleep. It is wonderful. She is wonderful. I am proud of her. She didn't even know that is what I needed...I guess she is growing up! Oh no!
I have one more week before I go back to work three days a week. We'll see how it goes. I am nervous. I know it will be tough at first, but I also know it is necessary.
Her personality comes out more and more every day. She seemed to enjoy me singing the song 'Baby face' to her today. Funny...that was the first song I ever performed at a show when I was three.
I worry how this little wonder will affect my relationship with DH. I get so uptight. I act like a byotch one minute and then apologize the next. I guess I will get the hang of it and will be able to handle it all without taking anything out on him. It isn't like he is doing anything wrong, if anything he is doing awesome. It is really tough. I am not quite sure how my parents managed nine kids.
I feel like my insecurities are very heightened these days. I revolve between being overly sensitive and totally over anything that is thrown at me. I don't want to come off as too needy, but I also want to be given a little extra love. I think this week was a little better. Last week I only left the house once for about thirty minutes. I think that caused a little bit more of the crazies. This week the Zerker and I took the ergo baby carrier and went to old navy one day and to the grocery another day, plus I had a doctor's appointment another day. Today I was so proud of myself because I managed to finally pick up all of my clothes off of the floor of my closet, organize, put away and wash the pieces that needed it. I was probably a little too proud, DH didn't seem to think it was as impressive as I did. Of course, he didn't see the hours of tending to the Zerker, letting her cry a bit here and there and getting her calmed enough to chill in a bouncer or take a nap to finish. Also I did the dishes, so I think that I accomplished huge amounts.
OK this post is long and winding. Sorry. (There I go again!)
Over a month has passed since the Zerker entered our lives.
I am sort of getting used to being a mommy, but it is also sinking in...Oh my! I am a Mom! I get scared that I am doing something wrong or that something will happen to her. It is a lot of responsibility.
I hate that it is RSV season. I am constantly in fear that the normal baby boogers and weird way infants breathe are signs of a cold. I worry that I am not taking her temp correctly. Worry worry worry....I figured I would be worried about her forever, and I was right.
Before she falls into a deep sleep she sometimes does this weird whimper while sleeping. It reminds me of when my dog has dreams in his sleep. Is that normal? (The baby whimper, not the dog dreams...) I worry that she has apnea or something. She is probably fine. I just sit around her while she sleeps and make sure she is breathing 20 times a night.
I started to say 'We' turned a new corner, but to be honest the Zerker turned the corner on her own. On Saturday she went to sleep at 8:30. At 12:30am I woke her up, fed and changed her, and put her back to sleep. She did it with no problem. She slept well until 4:00am and then I fed her, changed her and put her back to sleep. (She is sleeping in her carrier, but on her own!) she wasn't asleep but she put herself to sleep without a big fuss. Since then every night she has slept a little longer so that now she is just waking up once in the night at about 3am. And when she does wake up, I feed her and change her and then she goes right back to sleep. It is wonderful. She is wonderful. I am proud of her. She didn't even know that is what I needed...I guess she is growing up! Oh no!
I have one more week before I go back to work three days a week. We'll see how it goes. I am nervous. I know it will be tough at first, but I also know it is necessary.
Her personality comes out more and more every day. She seemed to enjoy me singing the song 'Baby face' to her today. Funny...that was the first song I ever performed at a show when I was three.
I worry how this little wonder will affect my relationship with DH. I get so uptight. I act like a byotch one minute and then apologize the next. I guess I will get the hang of it and will be able to handle it all without taking anything out on him. It isn't like he is doing anything wrong, if anything he is doing awesome. It is really tough. I am not quite sure how my parents managed nine kids.
I feel like my insecurities are very heightened these days. I revolve between being overly sensitive and totally over anything that is thrown at me. I don't want to come off as too needy, but I also want to be given a little extra love. I think this week was a little better. Last week I only left the house once for about thirty minutes. I think that caused a little bit more of the crazies. This week the Zerker and I took the ergo baby carrier and went to old navy one day and to the grocery another day, plus I had a doctor's appointment another day. Today I was so proud of myself because I managed to finally pick up all of my clothes off of the floor of my closet, organize, put away and wash the pieces that needed it. I was probably a little too proud, DH didn't seem to think it was as impressive as I did. Of course, he didn't see the hours of tending to the Zerker, letting her cry a bit here and there and getting her calmed enough to chill in a bouncer or take a nap to finish. Also I did the dishes, so I think that I accomplished huge amounts.
OK this post is long and winding. Sorry. (There I go again!)
Friday, February 6, 2009
Four weeks!
OMG!
Don't hate me because I am beautiful....
I can't help myself...
Wink, wink, nod, nod...
 |
| From Week 4 |
Don't hate me because I am beautiful....
I can't help myself...
Wink, wink, nod, nod...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Once in a Lifetime
Today the Zerker is christened. My brother is in town from DC to be the God Father. (He is actually my godfather too!) And, my sister will be the god mother.
I am not going to tell you that these days are easy...:) Ugh! Sometimes I am pushed to the point of frustration, but it only seems to happen between 3 and 4am, other than that I am cool. It is also a tough time for DH - who really has no previous experience with babies - and doesn't quite understand that it is normal to not always know what she wants and to not always be able to get her to sleep at 4am right away.
She turned three weeks yesterday! She was pronounced healthy at her doc appt on Thursday, where she weighed 7lbs 14 ozs (almost a pound up from her birth weight).
I do feel like she and I are bonding more every day. I swear she would talk to me if she could, her eyes just look like they are trying to tell me something. My milk does not seem to be doing that well despite fenugreek and attempting to pump. I know I don't pump as often as I should - it is really hard to find the time after supplementing and trying to get her back to sleep or not crying. She is not one of those perfectly content babies that never cries. Sometimes she is quiet and attentive and looking back with that soulful expression. And I DO think she smiles sometimes. I don't care if other people call it gas...
Everyday that goes by I get closer to going back to work. Ugh. Trying not to think about it....
I did get a bonus this week from work! Woo hoo! It meant that DH agreed that I could order the er.go.baby.car.rier! Yay! We have been waiting and trying to save as much as possible in this economic climate.
In honor of the Zerker's baptism - some talking heads...
I am not going to tell you that these days are easy...:) Ugh! Sometimes I am pushed to the point of frustration, but it only seems to happen between 3 and 4am, other than that I am cool. It is also a tough time for DH - who really has no previous experience with babies - and doesn't quite understand that it is normal to not always know what she wants and to not always be able to get her to sleep at 4am right away.
She turned three weeks yesterday! She was pronounced healthy at her doc appt on Thursday, where she weighed 7lbs 14 ozs (almost a pound up from her birth weight).
I do feel like she and I are bonding more every day. I swear she would talk to me if she could, her eyes just look like they are trying to tell me something. My milk does not seem to be doing that well despite fenugreek and attempting to pump. I know I don't pump as often as I should - it is really hard to find the time after supplementing and trying to get her back to sleep or not crying. She is not one of those perfectly content babies that never cries. Sometimes she is quiet and attentive and looking back with that soulful expression. And I DO think she smiles sometimes. I don't care if other people call it gas...
Everyday that goes by I get closer to going back to work. Ugh. Trying not to think about it....
I did get a bonus this week from work! Woo hoo! It meant that DH agreed that I could order the er.go.baby.car.rier! Yay! We have been waiting and trying to save as much as possible in this economic climate.
In honor of the Zerker's baptism - some talking heads...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wash, Rinse, Repeat
This post is sort of long...sorry. I started it a few days ago and it seems to have a mind of its own....
Things are going well. I am very tired, as you might have noticed in that last post.
I (and the Lactation Consultant) think I have low supply.
Zoe has been doing marathon nursing sessions this week. I just can't seem to satiate her. Most likely because Strike 1 PCOS, Strike 2 Nipple shield, Strike 3 C-Section.
By marathon I mean that she would be feeding for an hour, sometimes and hour and a half. And then it would seem like within the hour she would want more food. I was having trouble finding time and energy to pump on that schedule. I know it is pretty normal for a newborn to be cyclical...eat, poop, sleep, eat poop, sleep...wash, rinse, repeat...but this week she was more like eeeeeaaaaaat, poop, sleep, eeeeeaaat, poop, sleep....
I went to the LC today. She helped me with better latching technique. Hopefully I can wean the nipple shield at least on one side. I was able to latch without it when I came home. I am not totally against the nipple shield forever (I like saying 'Activate the Lactaction Shields' when I use it) ...just willing to try anything to get her more food.
She IS getting enough though. She weighed in at 7lbs7ozs. She has gained a half pound over her birth weight in two weeks. Yay! That makes me happy.
Yesterday I ventured out into the world for something other than a doctors appointment. I went to my sister's for a short visit (where I proceeded to leave my lump sum short term disability check and not realize it was gone until today - can we say 'too tired to think straight??') and then to visit my co-workers. The Zerker was perfect at work - sleeping the whole time. :) On the way home I got seriously concerned that I was way too tired to be driving. I made it home ok, but I really need to get better at gauging it. I am not used to these hours or the breastfeeding and I guess I don't realize the toll that it takes on me until it just hits me and I can't do anymore. Needless to say when we got home and I fed her again I went to sleep and then slept for more hours later when DH got home. We have begun using the supplementer to finger feed her so that she can still suck but not get over fed. DH can do that, and it gives him a chance to get involved.
This morning I felt completely refreshed because I did get several hours of sleep.
I went to the LC today. After a normal feeding session timeframe Zerker had only recieved about an ounce of milk. She has advised the following process: nurse on both sides for up to 15 minutes each, then supplement with an extra ounce by finger feeding and then pump for fifteen minutes...sounds familiar...nurse, supplement, pump...wash, rinse, repeat...I am also supposed to start taking fenu.greek and ask my ob for a rx of reg.lan.
She doesn't take the bottle nipple well at all. It comes out too fast, then she spits it all back up. In two weeks I will work toward getting her to take a bottle better. I didn't even know there were such things as 'slow flow' or 'medium flow' or 'fast flow' bottle nipples. It isn't something people discuss, they should make onesies that say 'I like fast nipples' on them.
I am so glad it is the weekend. DH is home. I have missed him a lot. I am pretty sure I could never be a housewife. It just isn't my game. I don't think I would be a very good housewife/SAHM housekeeping wise either. Of course, when you spend every other hour nursing and the other hours changing diapers and such, you can't get much else done. Also, just miss the company of my DH.
These weeks are flying by. I wish time could slow down. It is wonderful to have her here every day. I know this post sounds like whining. I promise I don't mind any of these problems. I don't mind the no sleeping. Every coo, and every cry is totally worth it. If time would slow down then my bits and pieces of sleep would last longer too!
I mean how could you not just love this person?
Even if sometimes she is this person:
And sort of turns me into this person:
Things are going well. I am very tired, as you might have noticed in that last post.
I (and the Lactation Consultant) think I have low supply.
Zoe has been doing marathon nursing sessions this week. I just can't seem to satiate her. Most likely because Strike 1 PCOS, Strike 2 Nipple shield, Strike 3 C-Section.
By marathon I mean that she would be feeding for an hour, sometimes and hour and a half. And then it would seem like within the hour she would want more food. I was having trouble finding time and energy to pump on that schedule. I know it is pretty normal for a newborn to be cyclical...eat, poop, sleep, eat poop, sleep...wash, rinse, repeat...but this week she was more like eeeeeaaaaaat, poop, sleep, eeeeeaaat, poop, sleep....
I went to the LC today. She helped me with better latching technique. Hopefully I can wean the nipple shield at least on one side. I was able to latch without it when I came home. I am not totally against the nipple shield forever (I like saying 'Activate the Lactaction Shields' when I use it) ...just willing to try anything to get her more food.
She IS getting enough though. She weighed in at 7lbs7ozs. She has gained a half pound over her birth weight in two weeks. Yay! That makes me happy.
Yesterday I ventured out into the world for something other than a doctors appointment. I went to my sister's for a short visit (where I proceeded to leave my lump sum short term disability check and not realize it was gone until today - can we say 'too tired to think straight??') and then to visit my co-workers. The Zerker was perfect at work - sleeping the whole time. :) On the way home I got seriously concerned that I was way too tired to be driving. I made it home ok, but I really need to get better at gauging it. I am not used to these hours or the breastfeeding and I guess I don't realize the toll that it takes on me until it just hits me and I can't do anymore. Needless to say when we got home and I fed her again I went to sleep and then slept for more hours later when DH got home. We have begun using the supplementer to finger feed her so that she can still suck but not get over fed. DH can do that, and it gives him a chance to get involved.
This morning I felt completely refreshed because I did get several hours of sleep.
I went to the LC today. After a normal feeding session timeframe Zerker had only recieved about an ounce of milk. She has advised the following process: nurse on both sides for up to 15 minutes each, then supplement with an extra ounce by finger feeding and then pump for fifteen minutes...sounds familiar...nurse, supplement, pump...wash, rinse, repeat...I am also supposed to start taking fenu.greek and ask my ob for a rx of reg.lan.
She doesn't take the bottle nipple well at all. It comes out too fast, then she spits it all back up. In two weeks I will work toward getting her to take a bottle better. I didn't even know there were such things as 'slow flow' or 'medium flow' or 'fast flow' bottle nipples. It isn't something people discuss, they should make onesies that say 'I like fast nipples' on them.
I am so glad it is the weekend. DH is home. I have missed him a lot. I am pretty sure I could never be a housewife. It just isn't my game. I don't think I would be a very good housewife/SAHM housekeeping wise either. Of course, when you spend every other hour nursing and the other hours changing diapers and such, you can't get much else done. Also, just miss the company of my DH.
These weeks are flying by. I wish time could slow down. It is wonderful to have her here every day. I know this post sounds like whining. I promise I don't mind any of these problems. I don't mind the no sleeping. Every coo, and every cry is totally worth it. If time would slow down then my bits and pieces of sleep would last longer too!
I mean how could you not just love this person?
Even if sometimes she is this person:
And sort of turns me into this person:
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Week 1 Captured and Zoe's Quilt
If breastfeeding or boob talk bothers you - then do not read this post. Personally I am beginning to think that breastfeeding is one of the most amazing and natural things on the planet!
So the first week is over. It went pretty well. I think we are handling being newbie parents really well. The nipple shields are helping out tremendously and I am now the proud owner of a Med.ela Pum.p N St.yle. So I am totally styling with these big suction cups attached to my breasts a few times a day.
Zoe had a doctor appt on Thursday. I guess they have breastfeeding babies go in during the first week to monitor their weight. You know what the amazing thing was??? From tuesday to thursday she gained 5.5 ounces! Now that is what I call Nipple Shield Magic!
Pumping is going ok. I don't seem to get more than an ounce at a time with the pump. I am not sure how long I am actually supposed to pump? I figure the amount will increase as my supply increases. Should I be worried? I am going to see the LC again this coming week, so hopefully I will be a bit more confident.
I am not worried about Zoe just yet though. There seems to be plenty of supply when she is nursing. If anything she doesn't take in the whole breast supply at the time (not that a breast can ever be empty). I have taken to just giving her one breast at a time because it seems to satisfy her and then from what I have read she gets more 'hind milk'.
I am now the owner of squirting boobs in the morning. Zoe eats about every two to three hours throughout the day. I am not one to set a schedule, I just sort of take her cues. There are times when I have tried to keep her up or I woke her up because I wanted to feed her later or felt like she needed to eat (or my breasts told me she needed to eat). It doesn't really work that well anyways - I mean she is always up for eating at first, but if she isn't hungry she eventually just stops suckling and just snuggles...and if she is tired she is going to sleep whether I try to keep her up or not - she will just be more grouchy on the way.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got the Nikon. It is amazing! I almost feel like I won't need to get formal pictures taken - because I can do the settings myself - it is SOOO COOL. I might invest in another flash for it, but I need to research it first. Speaking of the Nikon - I did a little photog session yesterday and this result (I used the 'old movie' feature in Mo.vie.Mak.er - the pictures are actually much crisper than what you see)...
So I think I mentioned back when we were getting the nursery ready that instead of buying a crib set we were having a quilt made out of mary engelbreit fabric. I had been searching Etsy for different quilts and then decided that it would be better to have one made. Then of my co-workers suggested another person we will call her Maria...Maria is a friend and retired former co-worker. She totally was up for making the quilt for us. She took the ME fabric, she and I shopped for the rest of the fabric and the backing and she did all the hard work. I have never quilted in my life. She is awesome at it. She made the quilt as a gift for Zoe. Isn't that great? I have found in the past week that the blankets that were made for her are so EXTRA Special. Another co-worker crocheted a blanket for her and one of my aunts made her a blanket too. They are snuggly and cute. I wish I had the patience to make those wonderful things! Guess what came in the mail today? Zoe's Quilt! Here are some pictures of the quilt.
I have another post brewing about my personal highlights so far.
So the first week is over. It went pretty well. I think we are handling being newbie parents really well. The nipple shields are helping out tremendously and I am now the proud owner of a Med.ela Pum.p N St.yle. So I am totally styling with these big suction cups attached to my breasts a few times a day.
Zoe had a doctor appt on Thursday. I guess they have breastfeeding babies go in during the first week to monitor their weight. You know what the amazing thing was??? From tuesday to thursday she gained 5.5 ounces! Now that is what I call Nipple Shield Magic!
Pumping is going ok. I don't seem to get more than an ounce at a time with the pump. I am not sure how long I am actually supposed to pump? I figure the amount will increase as my supply increases. Should I be worried? I am going to see the LC again this coming week, so hopefully I will be a bit more confident.
I am not worried about Zoe just yet though. There seems to be plenty of supply when she is nursing. If anything she doesn't take in the whole breast supply at the time (not that a breast can ever be empty). I have taken to just giving her one breast at a time because it seems to satisfy her and then from what I have read she gets more 'hind milk'.
I am now the owner of squirting boobs in the morning. Zoe eats about every two to three hours throughout the day. I am not one to set a schedule, I just sort of take her cues. There are times when I have tried to keep her up or I woke her up because I wanted to feed her later or felt like she needed to eat (or my breasts told me she needed to eat). It doesn't really work that well anyways - I mean she is always up for eating at first, but if she isn't hungry she eventually just stops suckling and just snuggles...and if she is tired she is going to sleep whether I try to keep her up or not - she will just be more grouchy on the way.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got the Nikon. It is amazing! I almost feel like I won't need to get formal pictures taken - because I can do the settings myself - it is SOOO COOL. I might invest in another flash for it, but I need to research it first. Speaking of the Nikon - I did a little photog session yesterday and this result (I used the 'old movie' feature in Mo.vie.Mak.er - the pictures are actually much crisper than what you see)...
So I think I mentioned back when we were getting the nursery ready that instead of buying a crib set we were having a quilt made out of mary engelbreit fabric. I had been searching Etsy for different quilts and then decided that it would be better to have one made. Then of my co-workers suggested another person we will call her Maria...Maria is a friend and retired former co-worker. She totally was up for making the quilt for us. She took the ME fabric, she and I shopped for the rest of the fabric and the backing and she did all the hard work. I have never quilted in my life. She is awesome at it. She made the quilt as a gift for Zoe. Isn't that great? I have found in the past week that the blankets that were made for her are so EXTRA Special. Another co-worker crocheted a blanket for her and one of my aunts made her a blanket too. They are snuggly and cute. I wish I had the patience to make those wonderful things! Guess what came in the mail today? Zoe's Quilt! Here are some pictures of the quilt.
I have another post brewing about my personal highlights so far.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
praise to the goddess of nipple shields
So yesterday morning I started to write this long dreadful post about how I was freaking out of breast feeding. After a two hour attempt on Monday evening of getting the Zerker to latch I had resorted to giving her formula to sustain her.
Then yesterday afternoon I had an appt with the Lactation consultant. She gave me some nipple shields and it ahs been a lifesaver. Now I really need a pump (which we are picking up tomorrow) so that I can make sure my breasts are getting completely unloaded each time, because little Z doesn't seem to eat as much sometimes and I don't want to lose the progress in supply that I have made. The manual pumping is not working.
The night I gave her the bottle I think I cried more than she did. (not during the latching attempts - I was maintaining calm for the little chica at that time) but in feeling like a failure and frustrated that I would miss out of on the awesome experience of nursing her directly from the breast. I didn't expect to enjoy that so much before she was born. Now I don't want to miss out on it.
DH is wonderful. Right now I think he is getting a little stir crazy and I realized today that I needed to chill out on being demanding to him. He really is amazing - and so caring...he would do anything for the Zerker and me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky finding him.
And now I KNOW my hormones are about to put the crazy on. Being close to tears at various times because of little things - knowing it is only hormones but having little control over it...I haven't broken down and I will keep an eye on it. It isn't about the Zerker at all - just feels to me like I do when I am PMSing.
I need to wake up Zerker to make her eat. My milk makers are telling me that she HAS TO EAT.
Then yesterday afternoon I had an appt with the Lactation consultant. She gave me some nipple shields and it ahs been a lifesaver. Now I really need a pump (which we are picking up tomorrow) so that I can make sure my breasts are getting completely unloaded each time, because little Z doesn't seem to eat as much sometimes and I don't want to lose the progress in supply that I have made. The manual pumping is not working.
The night I gave her the bottle I think I cried more than she did. (not during the latching attempts - I was maintaining calm for the little chica at that time) but in feeling like a failure and frustrated that I would miss out of on the awesome experience of nursing her directly from the breast. I didn't expect to enjoy that so much before she was born. Now I don't want to miss out on it.
DH is wonderful. Right now I think he is getting a little stir crazy and I realized today that I needed to chill out on being demanding to him. He really is amazing - and so caring...he would do anything for the Zerker and me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky finding him.
And now I KNOW my hormones are about to put the crazy on. Being close to tears at various times because of little things - knowing it is only hormones but having little control over it...I haven't broken down and I will keep an eye on it. It isn't about the Zerker at all - just feels to me like I do when I am PMSing.
I need to wake up Zerker to make her eat. My milk makers are telling me that she HAS TO EAT.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Our Journey to the Zerker
A little treat regarding our recent additions. Her initials spell ZERK, so she will be deemd the Zerker. Introducing my little glow worm....:)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
She is here....
First and foremost - this is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen...
The past few days have been a whirlwind.
I went in for the induction on Thursday evening. My water broke on its own before midnight that night and I had steady contractions on my own with only the one cytotec application. I had some nubain and low grade narcotics throughout the evening to get me through the first few centimeters of dialation. By 4:30am I was dialated to 4cm, but I chose to wait until 7am for the epidural.
They started pitocen at low levels and I got my epidural. I continued on with the intention of a vaginal delivery.
That isn't what ended up happening.
At around 11am my nurse went to change my IV and she couldn't get it to flow into my hand. Something was wrong with it (from what I could tell after the next few moments she did not do what she was supposed to do by flushing it or something...) The next thing I new she was having troubling finding the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, her supervisor called in a bunch of other nurses, they stuck me under oxygen, threw in on my side and started doing something to my cervix. Needless to say I was freaked out. I had no idea what was going on. Praying the hail mary over and over again while they were workign away. Then something came to me about what they were doing. They were putting an internal monitor on Z. Nothing was wrong with her. She probably just moved in a way that the nurse couldn't reach. I balled for a few minutes just getting over the scarieness of that situation.
So that was around 11am, at that time I was dialated to 8cm. When they inserted the monitor they had to stop the pitcoen. When they re-started it they coulnd't start it at the same level as before because it could cause strain on the baby.
It took some time to get my contractions back to the regularity they had been coming at. Over the next hour or so I dialated to about 9.5 cm. There was a problem though...she was still to far up and my doctor didn't think my pelvis was going to be wide enough to fit her,
He gave us 3 hours to see what happened. Within the next three hours nothing really changed. She wasn't going to fit. And I have BIG hips - so evidenty a big butt does not mean you have child bearing hips!
At 3:30pm it was decided that I was going to have a c-section.
C-section began at 4pm.
Zoe Ellen Ruth Kyle was delivered at 4:18pm EST.
Weighing in at a mere 6 lbs 15 ozs - 19 inches long...
Hearing her cry right after she came out was probably the most beautiful and relieving sound I have ever heard. Hearing my husband gasp 'She is beautiful' was so amazing, I can't really explain.
All fingers and toes accounted for. Beautiful color. Really Big Feet.
Breastfeeding is going well so far. I will write more later. It is a very emotional time - adjusting my outlook on life...being so blessed...
The past few days have been a whirlwind.
I went in for the induction on Thursday evening. My water broke on its own before midnight that night and I had steady contractions on my own with only the one cytotec application. I had some nubain and low grade narcotics throughout the evening to get me through the first few centimeters of dialation. By 4:30am I was dialated to 4cm, but I chose to wait until 7am for the epidural.
They started pitocen at low levels and I got my epidural. I continued on with the intention of a vaginal delivery.
That isn't what ended up happening.
At around 11am my nurse went to change my IV and she couldn't get it to flow into my hand. Something was wrong with it (from what I could tell after the next few moments she did not do what she was supposed to do by flushing it or something...) The next thing I new she was having troubling finding the baby's heartbeat on the monitor, her supervisor called in a bunch of other nurses, they stuck me under oxygen, threw in on my side and started doing something to my cervix. Needless to say I was freaked out. I had no idea what was going on. Praying the hail mary over and over again while they were workign away. Then something came to me about what they were doing. They were putting an internal monitor on Z. Nothing was wrong with her. She probably just moved in a way that the nurse couldn't reach. I balled for a few minutes just getting over the scarieness of that situation.
So that was around 11am, at that time I was dialated to 8cm. When they inserted the monitor they had to stop the pitcoen. When they re-started it they coulnd't start it at the same level as before because it could cause strain on the baby.
It took some time to get my contractions back to the regularity they had been coming at. Over the next hour or so I dialated to about 9.5 cm. There was a problem though...she was still to far up and my doctor didn't think my pelvis was going to be wide enough to fit her,
He gave us 3 hours to see what happened. Within the next three hours nothing really changed. She wasn't going to fit. And I have BIG hips - so evidenty a big butt does not mean you have child bearing hips!
At 3:30pm it was decided that I was going to have a c-section.
C-section began at 4pm.
Zoe Ellen Ruth Kyle was delivered at 4:18pm EST.
Weighing in at a mere 6 lbs 15 ozs - 19 inches long...
Hearing her cry right after she came out was probably the most beautiful and relieving sound I have ever heard. Hearing my husband gasp 'She is beautiful' was so amazing, I can't really explain.
All fingers and toes accounted for. Beautiful color. Really Big Feet.
Breastfeeding is going well so far. I will write more later. It is a very emotional time - adjusting my outlook on life...being so blessed...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Induction
I saw my doctor yesterday. I am still surprised at his gentleness compared to the other doctors. He didn't measure my belly or poke me until it hurt - I guess the other two weren't that familiar with me. He checked my cervix and there was no more progress in the dialation. So.....
da da da-da
I am scheduled for an induction beginning tomorrow (Thursday) evening.
I am supposed to go in at 7:30 pm to begin cytotec application for softening of the cervix. Then I suppose we will see where it goes.
I have heard that for some, that is all it takes to get things started. That would be cool - since I have heard pitocen can cause some crazy pain...like labor isn't crazy pain anyways...I guess women who have experienced both natural and induced would be able to explain the difference - but it seems to me like every birth is different so it would be hard to completely contribute it to the drug.
They won't break my water until sometime on Friday. I assume she will be here on Friday.
So her birthday will probably be 01/09/2009. Not bad. I had been hoping for an even date, but this one has a ring to it.
I put her birth date into a numerology calculator and this is what it said....
9 January 2009
Your date of conception was on or about 18 April 2008 which was a Friday.
You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Capricorn.
Your Life path number is 3.
Your fortune cookie reads:
Love always and deeply.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 2, 5 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 7, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2454840.5.
The golden number for 2009 is 15.
The epact number for 2009 is 3.
The year 2009 is not a leap year.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Goose; your plant is Bramble.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Famenoth, the third month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 Tevet 5769.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 14 Tevet 5769.
The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.19.15.17.16 which is
12 baktun 19 katun 15 tun 17 uinal 16 kin
The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Friday, 12 Muharram 1430 (1430-1-12).
Celebrities who share your birthday:
A.J. McLean (1978) Dave Matthews (1967) Crystal Gayle (1951)
Jimmy Page (1944) Joan Baez (1941) Susannah York (1941)
Bob Denver (1935) Richard Nixon (1913) Gracie Fields (1898)
Your lucky day is Saturday.
Your lucky number is 8.
Your ruling planet(s) is Saturn & Uranus.
Your lucky dates are 8th, 17th, 26th.
Your opposition sign is Cancer.
Your opposition number(s) is 2 & 7.
There are 2 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 0 candles.
Those 0 candles produce 0 BTUs,
or 0 calories of heat (that's only 0.0000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 0.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
Your birthstone is Garnet
The Mystical properties of Garnet
Garnet is used as a power stone
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Emerald, Rose Quartz
Your birth tree is
Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
da da da-da
I am scheduled for an induction beginning tomorrow (Thursday) evening.
I am supposed to go in at 7:30 pm to begin cytotec application for softening of the cervix. Then I suppose we will see where it goes.
I have heard that for some, that is all it takes to get things started. That would be cool - since I have heard pitocen can cause some crazy pain...like labor isn't crazy pain anyways...I guess women who have experienced both natural and induced would be able to explain the difference - but it seems to me like every birth is different so it would be hard to completely contribute it to the drug.
They won't break my water until sometime on Friday. I assume she will be here on Friday.
So her birthday will probably be 01/09/2009. Not bad. I had been hoping for an even date, but this one has a ring to it.
I put her birth date into a numerology calculator and this is what it said....
9 January 2009
Your date of conception was on or about 18 April 2008 which was a Friday.
You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Capricorn.
Your Life path number is 3.
Your fortune cookie reads:
Love always and deeply.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 2, 5 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 7, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2454840.5.
The golden number for 2009 is 15.
The epact number for 2009 is 3.
The year 2009 is not a leap year.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Goose; your plant is Bramble.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Famenoth, the third month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 Tevet 5769.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 14 Tevet 5769.
The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.19.15.17.16 which is
12 baktun 19 katun 15 tun 17 uinal 16 kin
The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Friday, 12 Muharram 1430 (1430-1-12).
Celebrities who share your birthday:
A.J. McLean (1978) Dave Matthews (1967) Crystal Gayle (1951)
Jimmy Page (1944) Joan Baez (1941) Susannah York (1941)
Bob Denver (1935) Richard Nixon (1913) Gracie Fields (1898)
Your lucky day is Saturday.
Your lucky number is 8.
Your ruling planet(s) is Saturn & Uranus.
Your lucky dates are 8th, 17th, 26th.
Your opposition sign is Cancer.
Your opposition number(s) is 2 & 7.
There are 2 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 0 candles.
Those 0 candles produce 0 BTUs,
or 0 calories of heat (that's only 0.0000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 0.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
Your birthstone is Garnet
The Mystical properties of Garnet
Garnet is used as a power stone
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Emerald, Rose Quartz
Your birth tree is
Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
Monday, January 5, 2009
T Minus 1
Looking at that ticker, and knowing it says '1' is pretty amazing.
I have been quiet around here, mostly because there is little to report on the baby front and I have been trying to absorb as much time with the family as possible.
My husband went back to work on Friday. He did have the weekend off, but now he is off to the daily grind while I sit at home and wait for something to happen.
Last friday I had my 39 week checkup. They put me on the NST for a while and everything seemed fine. I am not having any contractions (well i mean there are a few here and there and there is very very small actions happening, but nothing of any importance). I am dialated to about 1cm.
My doctor has been on vacation for my last two appointments, and I sort of feel like I am a woman without a plan. He said previously was he didn't think he would let me go much past the first of the year. It is January 5th. Tomorrow is my due date. I have an NST scheduled tomorrow morning and an appointment later in the day. I am going to finish packing up my bag with all of my hospital needs and little Zs first outfits. I am putting that suitcase in my car and taking it to my appointment. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, but I would not mind one bit for him to send me directly to Labor and Delivery for an induction after my appointment. Otherwise I am hoping he schedules the induction for later in the week.
I am getting worried about her size and how big her head is. I know you never can really tell, and if a vaginal delivery doesn't work out they are very experienced with heading toward the c-section in time. I am trying not to read about all of the things that can go wrong. I can make all that stuff up on my own - so there is no point in making a bigger deal about it.
In other news, we bought a new car for the DH this past week. A 2009 Honda Civic Sedan. It is Atomic blue - and it is beautiful. I am so happy for him. He has had a no frills Dodge Neon in which the lock on the driver side door didn't work for ages. We kept putting money into it until we decided to take advantage of the year end financing options they have out now that made it hard to pass up. Plus - I don't see how we could do wrong with a Civic. It is always great to mention to people about your new car and get stories of how they know people who drove theirs without problems for 200,000 to 300,000 plus miles.
We thought about trading in my car too and getting a new Honda Fit or Toyota Matrix. I test drove the Fit, and while it would have been a great car for the 25 year old Beth, the 31 year old didn't like it enough to trade in my current car. I have a 2005 Pontiac Vibe. I didn't realize how much I love my car until I considered getting rid of it, and I liked it too much to chuck it to the curb for fancy dancy newness.
Since I didn't get a new car I did get a bonus...I got my car detailed. Ziebart was having a year end special of half price on interior detailing. It looks amazing! Like a brand new car! I have to admit my car was just disgusting. We have two long-haired dogs - the type of hair that just doesn't come up with those car-wash vacuums. And I had let it get out of hand. I am not making excuses. I commute 45+minutes to work every day (or at least I do when I am not on leave) and at times it feels like I live in that car. Since Z will be here soon, and I didn't feel comfortable installing the carseat in that dirty back seat, I talked DH into letting me get it done. Like I said they had a special, but they still charged me extra and needed more time because my car was just THAT dirty. (I know I should be ashamed.) Now I am all excited to go for a drive in my fresh smelling like-new car!
Needless to say, the dogs will be relagated to the cargo back and OUT of the back seat from now on. And I am going to seriously work on keeping my car clean.
I leave you with a few pictures.
On Christmas Eve we went to a party at my brother's house. Here is a picture of my immediate family - parent's down...well all but one sister who couldn't make it in from Florirda for the holiday...yes - I am the youngest of nine, so there are eight siblings and two parents in this photo...
Here is a belly picture at 39 Weeks - 5 days (Saturday). It is important - because it is the last time I will wear my Bob Sanders jersey while pregnant with Z. And, while it is sad that the Colts lost their first playoff game, I am personally ready to move on to something a little more important - like being a mom. (If you knew how obsessed with the Colts I have been in the past, you might surprised at that statement- probably not). Saturday evening was a somber time in our house, but it is much easier for DH and I to get over with the anticipation of Little Z.
I have been quiet around here, mostly because there is little to report on the baby front and I have been trying to absorb as much time with the family as possible.
My husband went back to work on Friday. He did have the weekend off, but now he is off to the daily grind while I sit at home and wait for something to happen.
Last friday I had my 39 week checkup. They put me on the NST for a while and everything seemed fine. I am not having any contractions (well i mean there are a few here and there and there is very very small actions happening, but nothing of any importance). I am dialated to about 1cm.
My doctor has been on vacation for my last two appointments, and I sort of feel like I am a woman without a plan. He said previously was he didn't think he would let me go much past the first of the year. It is January 5th. Tomorrow is my due date. I have an NST scheduled tomorrow morning and an appointment later in the day. I am going to finish packing up my bag with all of my hospital needs and little Zs first outfits. I am putting that suitcase in my car and taking it to my appointment. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, but I would not mind one bit for him to send me directly to Labor and Delivery for an induction after my appointment. Otherwise I am hoping he schedules the induction for later in the week.
I am getting worried about her size and how big her head is. I know you never can really tell, and if a vaginal delivery doesn't work out they are very experienced with heading toward the c-section in time. I am trying not to read about all of the things that can go wrong. I can make all that stuff up on my own - so there is no point in making a bigger deal about it.
In other news, we bought a new car for the DH this past week. A 2009 Honda Civic Sedan. It is Atomic blue - and it is beautiful. I am so happy for him. He has had a no frills Dodge Neon in which the lock on the driver side door didn't work for ages. We kept putting money into it until we decided to take advantage of the year end financing options they have out now that made it hard to pass up. Plus - I don't see how we could do wrong with a Civic. It is always great to mention to people about your new car and get stories of how they know people who drove theirs without problems for 200,000 to 300,000 plus miles.
We thought about trading in my car too and getting a new Honda Fit or Toyota Matrix. I test drove the Fit, and while it would have been a great car for the 25 year old Beth, the 31 year old didn't like it enough to trade in my current car. I have a 2005 Pontiac Vibe. I didn't realize how much I love my car until I considered getting rid of it, and I liked it too much to chuck it to the curb for fancy dancy newness.
Since I didn't get a new car I did get a bonus...I got my car detailed. Ziebart was having a year end special of half price on interior detailing. It looks amazing! Like a brand new car! I have to admit my car was just disgusting. We have two long-haired dogs - the type of hair that just doesn't come up with those car-wash vacuums. And I had let it get out of hand. I am not making excuses. I commute 45+minutes to work every day (or at least I do when I am not on leave) and at times it feels like I live in that car. Since Z will be here soon, and I didn't feel comfortable installing the carseat in that dirty back seat, I talked DH into letting me get it done. Like I said they had a special, but they still charged me extra and needed more time because my car was just THAT dirty. (I know I should be ashamed.) Now I am all excited to go for a drive in my fresh smelling like-new car!
Needless to say, the dogs will be relagated to the cargo back and OUT of the back seat from now on. And I am going to seriously work on keeping my car clean.
I leave you with a few pictures.
On Christmas Eve we went to a party at my brother's house. Here is a picture of my immediate family - parent's down...well all but one sister who couldn't make it in from Florirda for the holiday...yes - I am the youngest of nine, so there are eight siblings and two parents in this photo...
Here is a belly picture at 39 Weeks - 5 days (Saturday). It is important - because it is the last time I will wear my Bob Sanders jersey while pregnant with Z. And, while it is sad that the Colts lost their first playoff game, I am personally ready to move on to something a little more important - like being a mom. (If you knew how obsessed with the Colts I have been in the past, you might surprised at that statement- probably not). Saturday evening was a somber time in our house, but it is much easier for DH and I to get over with the anticipation of Little Z.
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