So yesterday morning I started to write this long dreadful post about how I was freaking out of breast feeding. After a two hour attempt on Monday evening of getting the Zerker to latch I had resorted to giving her formula to sustain her.
Then yesterday afternoon I had an appt with the Lactation consultant. She gave me some nipple shields and it ahs been a lifesaver. Now I really need a pump (which we are picking up tomorrow) so that I can make sure my breasts are getting completely unloaded each time, because little Z doesn't seem to eat as much sometimes and I don't want to lose the progress in supply that I have made. The manual pumping is not working.
The night I gave her the bottle I think I cried more than she did. (not during the latching attempts - I was maintaining calm for the little chica at that time) but in feeling like a failure and frustrated that I would miss out of on the awesome experience of nursing her directly from the breast. I didn't expect to enjoy that so much before she was born. Now I don't want to miss out on it.
DH is wonderful. Right now I think he is getting a little stir crazy and I realized today that I needed to chill out on being demanding to him. He really is amazing - and so caring...he would do anything for the Zerker and me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky finding him.
And now I KNOW my hormones are about to put the crazy on. Being close to tears at various times because of little things - knowing it is only hormones but having little control over it...I haven't broken down and I will keep an eye on it. It isn't about the Zerker at all - just feels to me like I do when I am PMSing.
I need to wake up Zerker to make her eat. My milk makers are telling me that she HAS TO EAT.