Friday, July 11, 2008


I am a singer.
I don't do it publicly these days as much as I have in the past. Still, I cannot deny an essential part of my being.

My parents tell me that when I was three they could use the record player as a babysitter if they wanted to. I would listen to my Annie LP over and over again.

When I was five I started voice lessons. I was carted to various talent shows and performed in front of hundreds and sometimes thousands of people. If there was a festival, a school music program, a county fair - I was there in my latest dress siging 'Tommorow', 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', some Cabbage Patch song, or the latest song appropriate for a child

As I got older, I still performed in competitions. I also sang on an album recorded in Nashville, Tennessee.
I know there was a path I could have taken. My life would have been extremely different. I applied to Belmont University thinking about majoring in Music Business.

I ended up not doing that. I choose to study math at a small private college closer to home. I specifically didn't choose music becuase I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was for myself and not becuase it was what I had always done.

By my sophomore year in college I added a double major in Music. The whole experience with music in college was broadening and wonderful. I felt like I grew as a musician ten fold.

Once I graduated - I didn't see much opportunity to use music and make a living. I spend my days in an office - using the problem solving and critical thinking skills that I developed during all those math and liberal arts courses. I love my job, but I do miss music.

I know there are ways to supplement my needs. I was in a rock band for a few years with my sister. That was awesome, but time consuming. Once I got married I couldn't see playing gigs at bars every weekend.

I know I need to sing at church. I love singing at church. It is a time when I feel like 'this is what I am supposed to be doing - what I was made for' feeling. The catholic liturgy is beautiful, and when I am at church and not involved with the music I feel sort of like I am undercover. I am supposed to be leading the others from the choir loft or the cantor stand...not from the back pew.

I will be taking action on the church issues. I know that. We have been sort of wandering in search of our own parish for a while. We thought we found one, and my husband went through RCIA there, but now the priest we got to know has been moved to another parish and he mentioned to us that a different parish is building a brand new church five minutes from our house. The parish we have been attending is over thirty minutes from our house - which is fine, but closer is more convenient (especially with gas prices so high) and seems like we would be more apt to take part in more activities (such as the choir).

So what is the point with all this and how does it relate to our current state of infertility/fertility/pregnancy?

I can't wait to sing with my child. To sing my child to sleep. To hold the baby close and find out the songs it likes the most.

I wonder at what point in this pregnancy will the baby start to recognize when I am signing in the car. I hope it is soothing to the baby.

I know I said a lot for a very small point. I just felt like expressing - so please excuse the long-winded post.
Have a great day.